Why Parenting Isn’t for Everyone (And That’s Totally Okay)

In the Philippines, there seems to be an unwritten rule: 

Once you’re married, living together, or even just reach a certain age, someone’s bound to pop the question:

“So, when are you having a baby?”

It’s asked so casually, like there’s a government memo somewhere that says, “By 30, dapat may anak ka na.” And it doesn’t even matter if you’re ready or not, the question comes anyway, as if parenting is a requirement you can’t skip.

But here’s the truth: not everyone wants to be a parent, and not everyone should be.

Our culture treats parenthood like it’s the default path. Graduate, get a job, get married, have kids. Repeat. But gone are the days when people were sweet-talked (or pressured) into thinking having a baby is the only way to live a full life. Many from this generation have realized parenting isn’t for them, and that’s perfectly okay.

The older generation sometimes made it sound like raising kids was as easy as pooping out an egg. Spoiler: it’s not an egg. It’s a 24/7 job with no HR, no paid leave, and the boss is usually screaming. Parenting is a responsibility, emotional, financial, and physical, and not everyone is ready for that.

And let’s be real, some people still think kids are supposed to be their retirement plan or future caregivers. But children are not investments or insurance policies. Stop expectation-setting. Kids deserve to live their own lives, not carry the burden of fixing yours.

As a parent myself, I can say it’s more than just “having a baby.” Every choice you make, career moves, daily reactions, even how you deal with stress, affects your child, directly or indirectly. And it’s exhausting. Less sleep, less “me time,” less room for mistakes. It’s a lot.

So why isn’t parenting for everyone? Let me break it down:

1. Some people value independence.
Kids demand time, energy, and attention. Self-care? Usually, the first thing sacrificed. Your hobbies, your travel goals, even your ability to binge-watch in peace, all of that gets reshuffled (or deleted). Not everyone’s up for that level of obligation.

2. You need to be emotionally ready.
Parenting is not just about cute baby clothes. It’s about sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, and teenagers who will test your patience on a whole new level. Kids mirror your emotions. If you’re angry, they feel it. If you haven’t healed from your own childhood, chances are you’ll pass that pain along. Parenting demands emotional stability and a lot of patience you didn’t know you had.

3. You need financial stability.
Let’s not sugarcoat it: kids are expensive. The cheapest 2kg of milk? Around ₱1,300. Add diapers, doctor visits, vaccines, school fees, and emergencies. Congratulations, you’re basically running a start-up except your “investor” only pays in hugs and random scribbles on the wall.

4. Fulfillment comes in many forms.
Not everyone finds purpose in raising kids. Some people feel alive building careers, traveling, creating, or simply protecting their peace. And that’s valid. Life doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all “meaning.”

I’ve seen it over and over: people forced into parenthood end up stressed, resentful, and sometimes neglectful. And when that happens, it’s the kids who suffer not just financially, but emotionally. Imagine growing up with parents who only had you because of pressure, and now they’re too checked out to be present. That’s not fair to the child.

So here’s my take: we should normalize respecting people’s choice not to have kids. If they feel they’re not ready, if they want to live differently, that’s fine. What’s wrong is forcing people into parenthood they never wanted in the first place. 

Because in the end, it’s the children who carry the weight of that decision.

To those who keep pressuring others to “just have a baby”...

STOP!

It’s 2025. Let go of the outdated mindset that children exist to fix your mistakes or lift you out of hardship.

Being a parent is not a requirement. If you choose it, great. If you don’t, that’s just as valid. At the end of the day, what matters is being honest with yourself because it’s not just your life that’s on the line, it’s also the future of the kids you bring into the world.

So, if you decide not to have kids? That’s okay. Really. Live your truth. 

And for the love of sanity, let’s all stop asking people when they’re having a baby.